I am writing to let you know that I have decided to keep your human. You have done a good job training him (he gives the most excellent belly rubs) but now it is time for him to be re-homed with a dog who is will truly appreciate his finer qualities, a handsome Anglo-Hispanic dog like me.
I have already decided which photo we will use for next year’s Christmas card, this one is rather fetching, no?
You can keep the female human, but this one will be moving to Southern California with me shortly.
I cannot keep the smug grin off my face.